guilt and conflicting feelings

So I know I'm not alone out there - but sometimes us mom's or mom's to be feel guilty. right now - I feel guilty because I'm taking a vacation day tomorrow.  The guilt is that I should be saving every single hour of vacation for our adoption.  However, I don't want to neglect the child I have at home.  I feel guilty that I feel guilty.  Then I worry an am conflicted because I don't know when we'll even get a referral let alone be able to travel.  It sounds like things will take longer - but for good reasons - but  I keep having my dreams of our "boy" - its amazing.

Regardless I chose to spend some quality time with Nate on his field trip tomorrow - and took a vacation day.  so I'm skipping a training at work and always worry because of the way things are it can be used against me when they start any new rounds of layoff's - which many anticipate before the end of summer.  but I will have an enjoyable day - gong to my first robotics competition.  I guess some former students of his school and his teacher are now in high school and in the competition!  I wish they had this when I was growing up - I would have loved it - they may have but not much for the girls.  Or maybe I didn't want many people to know what a geek I truly am.  Heck - I never did get that science kit from Santa after asking year after year.  Heck - I went into chemistry for my undergrad!

anyhow - i will enjoy my day.  And to top if off - we used Groupon a few months ago to get tickets to see the Detroit Pistons - yes my favorite bball team!  Best yet - they are retiring my FAVORITE PLAYERS # tomorrow - Dennis Rodman!  Yeah - I never denied I'm crazy - he's crazy - goofy - a jerk (my coworker had other choice words - I won't type them here) - but NO ONE can deny he was one of the best players - specifically his rebounding and defense!  so many of the former "bad boys" will be there tomorrow night!  I can't wait.  It will be fun and nice - I hope we can maybe do some pictures or autographs!  yeah.

so - my guilt is fading - and my conflicting feels as well - but we love our kids - and I'll have fun with the one I do have!  He even told the teacher i was driving before we told her - and it may work out as one family I think was driving - their van died on the way to school this morning!  so it probably all worked out -hopefully I can post pictures.

have a blessed night.
Gail