So I have been thinking about some responses we have gotten lately and then just read a post on Facebook from a new friend. Anyhow - she posted some real insight about her most recent adoption attempt - a domestic adoption where the mom changed her mind in the end. I can't even begin to know or express their broken hearts. But what I take from it - and what she did share is that everyone has an opinion - and honestly some things are just NO ONE's Business - adoption is an individual choice for both parties. It has to be one of the most difficult choices a birth parent can make - to GIVE YOUR child away. However, there are circumstances and situations no one will know or understand. And they want their child to have the best! So they do what it takes. And then there are people like us - adoptive (or soon to be) parents. We just want to grow our families.
In our case - a "friend" that hasn't seen us in over 9 years read my recent Christmas letter and had to actually write me a letter that they were disappointed we did not adopt domestically. Well without even asking or hearing our story - which honestly is OUR story and no one else - this person was pretty rude. I know they didn't mean to be, but they have no idea.
Families and people make choices that are best for them - they choose to have 10 kids, no kids, do fertility treatments, adopt, you name it - and its a choice that works for their family. We have had questions why international, and WHY Ethiopia! Well honestly - we looked into domestic and it didn't work out for us - for way too many reasons to list. The easiest is "we were too old - 40 and 41 years old" - but really many more to list. And then just WHY - oh WHY ET? All I can say - God drew me there. I saw those faces and I fell in love. It doesn't matter what we decide -but I believe in fate and God's plan for us all - as difficult as that may be, I believe he put road blocks in our way and pushed us to the path we are on. And these road blocks with the paper work - well that was just because our child isn't ready for us yet. Maybe they will be young and haven't been born yet. Or their family situation isn't ready for them to be an orphan just yet - Everything happens for the reason that God already has had it planned out - as heart breaking as it may be - he has it all chosen for us.
So as my heart breaks for my FB friend and her families loss - I will pray tonight that God gives them peace and helps them find the child that is meant to be theirs. And for the birth mom who will struggle with her choices, but will still be a good mom to this baby that was born recently.
4 comments:
That is so sweet of you:-) Strength of faith is what gets us through... no doubt. God does have a plan for each of us... all we can do is listen and hope that it is HIS voice we are hearing when we make our choices. And, when we question the choices of our friends, all we can do is pray for God's will to be done... even if we don't understand it. Saying lots of prayers tonight for ALL of us. Thank you for your prayers!
Well said Gail. I always find it interesting when people adopt how some people think it is okay for them to express their opinions about it! People who grow their families "traditionally" don't have to answer all of those types of questions. I always just tried to be patient and use the opportunity to "educate" people on adoption, but sometimes I just had to turn away or ignore comments. It will be a lifelong thing, even once you get your little one home. Our social worker gave us really great ideas on what to say to people or what to have Liza say if she is asked about it. My number one priority now is protecting her. Most people don't mean to be hurtful, it is just thoughtless.
Praying for your friend. I remember how devastated I was when we lost our first referral. Now I know though she wasn't meant to be with us, it was always Liza!
Ugh! The domestic v. international stupidity. I CANNOT believe that people are ignorant enough to ask us why we don't want to take care of our "OWN" children here in the U.S. As if a child in another country should belong to no one, should be left to starve to death. Just like you, I have found that it is ignorant and uneducated people who ask the rude questions. If they really cared, they would ask you to educate them about YOUR decision before making a judgement.
OK.. done venting :)
thanks all. I've just been getting frustrated. I know so many people that have done adoption and foster care - all different countries, states, you name it. and it works for them and that's all that matters. And I agree - no child is "better for adoption or Love" - God says to love all the children.
My goal is to continue how to educate people, hopefully a few will get it and understand - its all so personal. And then I'll learn some ways for our child to learn how to reply as well. Jen - I know Liza was totally meant for your family - she is just the perfect Bruner and looks so much like you. and I'll learn from all of you and many others how to raise our child with pride and love and to love them-self.
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