My Funeral Tribute

We just returned from the memorial service in NYS. We really appreciated all who attended, and hope you enjoyed reminiscing about Dad and finding comfort in the community.

Gail thought it would be appropriate for me to post my notes from the funeral service on October 11. I had written them out because I knew it would be difficult to say with all of the emotions of the week.



Integrity, curiosity, humility, steadfastness, and guts………

These are a few of the things that my father taught me, and these are things that I will hold dear.

My father taught me about integrity……….

My father may not have been a perfect man, but he held his integrity above all else. This served him well, and also earned him many retractors who complained that he “wouldn’t go along” or “keep his mouth shut.” He did not do these things lightly. He fought for what he believed in, and would not waiver to popular opinion.

My father taught me about curiosity……….

He always sought to find a better way to do things. He was constantly looking for ways to save money or speed processes at his various jobs. He spent the most time on things that interested him including trees, plants, minerals, and gold panning. He knew the name of every tree in the forest, and he could name every rock we walked past. Once he amazed you with this information, he could tell you how it got there (generally from a glacier from Canada), and approximately when.

My father taught me about humility…………

My father had some rough roads in his life, and he did his best to get over many obstacles, and sought out assistance when he needed it the most. I think this made him appreciate the people around him even more and enriched our lives in the last few years.

My father taught me about steadfastness………..

This was evident not only in his jobs, but most recently in working for his friends at Coventry Place. When he went into the hospital this last time, one of the first errands I was directed to run was to get the notes he had typed up from two meetings to Jean to ensure that they would get distributed to the appropriate people. Who else but my father would think of such a thing lying in a hospital bed struggling to breathe?

My father taught me about guts…………..

Through all the hardships of life, my father fought to make things better for himself, for his family and his friends. He had a heart attack 9 years ago that the doctor’s said would have killed most people. Dad fought back, and continued to fight through surgeries, hospital stays, and dragging around that oxygen tank for the last year. He did this just to get as much time as possible with the people around him.

Integrity, curiosity, humility, steadfastness, and guts………

These are a few of the reasons why I loved my father. These are the things I will cherish, and these are the things that have helped to shape me as a man, and these are the things I will teach my son.

NYS Memorial Set

The Memorial Service for NY is set for October 28, 2006 at 2.00p. The service will be held in Ilion at the First Presbyterian Church where Dad was baptized.

First Presbyterian Church
90 Morgan St
Ilion, NY 13357

Phone:
315-894-2070

Finalized Funeral arragneemtns

The funeral will be held at our church at 11 am. WE will have visitations that morning starting at 10 am as well. AFter the cemetary the church will also be having everyone back for a lunch.

Please feel free to come and attend this as well. It will mean a lot to Craig and I.

Our church is the First Farmington United Methodist Church - I know you can look up the address at the www.umc.org website.

Thanks for all that have expressed the sadness and all that stuff - we appreciate everything very much.
Love,
Gail, Craig, Nate and the rest of the Backus family.

Ronald C. Backus (November 20, 1935 - October 7, 2006)

Age 70, of Redford Township. Born in Frankfort, New York.

Loving father of Craig (Gail) Backus and Jennifer (Tim) Farmer. Cherished grandfather of T.J. and Nate. Dear brother of Lynn (Susan) Backus and Sandra (Richard) Herron.

Funeral Wednesday (time pending) at First United Methodist Church of Farmington 33112 Grand River Avenue, Farmington. Officiant Rev. Dr. Jeffrey R. Maxwell, Pastor.

Visitation Tuesday 2-5 and 7-9 p.m. at Thayer-Rock Funeral Home, 33603 Grand River Avenue, downtown Farmington (1 blk. W. of Farmington Rd.).

Memorial contributions may be made to Volunteers of America, 24701 Swanson Rd., Southfield, MI 48034 or the American Lung Association of Michigan, 25900 Greenfield Rd., Ste 401, Oak Park MI 48237.

Ron's slipping again

Ok - we don't know exactly what is going on, but he was totally not responsive today with Craig when he went to visit. He didn't even look at him, nod or verbally respond. I guess the doctors called Craig today to let him know Ron seems to be slipping - he's just more distant every day. It sounds bad.

Even one of the nurses asked Craig if he had the medical power of attorney - of course we don't yet. WE have it all ready, but waitig for Ron to be "sane" again - so that it can be done.

Please continue your prayers - its looking like another LONG weekend.

One positive this weekend is that Liz is here for a visit - Nate has really taken to his Nonnie - he really likes her - its so precious I love it. He was holding her hand and walking in the parking lot after dinner tonight. Its just adorable. It just took his turf and a lot of quiet.

Gail

Many Questions with Ron

Good morning,
Well it seems a lot of questions still remain over Ron's condition and all that. On Tuesday the vents were removed, but he was havng a lot of bleeding. It appears that has stopped as of last night. Unfortunately, he was having problems and pulling out the tubes, pick line, etc.

Last night during Craig's visit Ron was better, but having problems with thoughts and memory. Basically the nurse called is ICU Psychosis - where people just go a little whacky while in there. He was saying a few odd things, questioning things that happened long ago - things like that. But then the next minute he was asking the nurse why she didn't do one of his eye drops and actually said this long name of the medicine. So we don't know.

They said its possible there may have been some brain damage when from the lack of oxygen to his brain on Friday/Saturday. We know his heart stopped for 30-60 seconds. but I'm not sure if they knew how long he had not been getting enough oxygen. So we'll see.

Please continue to pray for Ron and all of us that he gets better soon.
Love,
Gail

Removing Ventilation Tubes

Wow - what an amazing turn of events the last few days. I called to just talk to a nurse on Ron's status today - she told me he's fine and breathing well. I asked how long it takes to wean someone off the vents - she chuckled. They were removing the tubes right then. Yeah - so that means he'll probably be able to start communicating over the next few hours/days. I can't even imagine how sore his throat and everything will be - but something is better than nothing. We are very excited and thankful for this miracle.

Thanks for the prayers. Please contue, because Ron is still a not in the clear. His systems are still failing him, the kidneys are pretty much done, his heart is just not going to recover - its weak, worn out and has numerous blockages that just can not be removed. Plus they think there is possibly some damage when he flat lined over the weekend. But he's still mentally there - and that is what counts right now. He's a fighter and NOT giving up. He's amazed us all, especially his doctors for the last few years. So its "a matter of time" - but we have a little bit more - and that is what counts. And no matter what - today is a joyous day - the ventilation is done.
Love,
Gail

Light

Well, it didn't get us far, but we were finally successful in using a pen and paper to communicate, and the first word was light, as in turn on the damn light! Unfortunately, once we got that, we couldn't get any more because it looked liked scribbles. He was really PO'd at the nurse because he was kind of dozing and she just pries open his eye to do his eye drops and wonders why he squirms! He wanted to communicate something but we just couldn't get it.

He was pretty lively for a while tonight, but the attempt to write wore him out. It's pretty difficult because he's trying to write with an oven mit on his hand (that's what I call it anyway). His all wrapped up because there's so much extra fluid in his arms it's just leaking right out. Hopefully soon they'll be able to take that off and he'll be able to write or get the ventilator off so he can talk. I told him he's doing a heck of a lot better than Saturday morning when he was actually dead for 30 seconds! He noded in agreement, and his hopefully settled down for the night.

We'll try the writing routine again tomorrow, but we'll see how far it goes.

It's really amazing how far he's come, and we'll have to see where he goes from here. The other good things about today were that he's getting some food, his sugar was 159 when I was there, and his pulse was down to 90 beats per minute. It was usually about 120 for most of the weekend, so 90 means his heart is getting a bit of a break after the dialysis wicked off a lot of extra fluid.

Keep sending us your positive thoughts and prayers as it really seems to be helping.

Holding his own

Well since Ron was pretty stable all yesterday, we decided we needed to go back to work today. Please feel free to visit Ron at Botsford Hospital in Farmington HIll. He currently is in room 154 in the Critical Care Unit. Please - if you are sick - stay home. but he does enjoy visits even for only a few minutes. He needs his rest as well.

I spoke to the nurses this morning and he was still maintaining his own blood pressure with out medicine, and she noted he did decent with the dialysis yesterday (being sedated). So we are happy. My dad is up there now and I'll have an update later today.

Please continue prayers that Ron will be pain free and at peace - no matter what the outcome may be. That is what we want, him to be pain free and if possible to come home (nursing home or heaven).

Ron's very strong - so there is a good possibility he can pull through, but it will be a long haul. His body is just failing in many different systems. The doctors don't know much more of things to do - right now it may appear the ventilator is helping keep Ron alive.

Thanks for all the prayers and we will continue to update as major changes happen.
Gail

Ron is doing better

Ok - nothing makes sense at the moment, but Ron's doing a lot better today. He was able to stop taking the one medicine that was keeping his blood pressure normal (well considering) last night. And its maintaining something fairly normal now all on his own. He also was able to do dialysis today - and now he's resting. Craig's on his way up now - well I just dropped him off after dinner. WE've been up at the hospital all day again. Its been a very long, tiring and extremely emotional weekend.

But the good news is - he's still here and still alert typically. So we are happy for that. Not sure how things will turn out, his main doctors don't know what else there is to do for him - right now its keeping him on the machines to stay alive. So we'll see.

I'll be updating the blog from now on - so you can keep tabs that way and I will not bombard people with emails. you can get to the blog by going to www.craigbackus.com. The very top link is to the Backus/Wilcox blog - and on there you will be able to see all the postings.

Please remember, we will try and keep this up to date. However, its very difficult trying to update everything. Right now, we figured we will both head to work tomorrow, and Nate will probably come home tomorrow night. So with a 2 year old, work and visiting Ron we do not have a lot of time to update every detail all day. WE also are exhausted - so its hard to keep up to speed on emails - but just know we will do the best we can. If Ron continues to maintain - I'll be able to update from work daily - lets hope for the best. Its still very touch and go - but better than it was 36 hours ago.

Love
Gail