Strange and RUDE comments

So last night - I heard a comment that I had not expected.  I've had people make comments about Curt's skin color, his hair, he's "not that dark", "wow he's dark", "where'd you get him", "where are his parents", "what happened" - stuff like that.  BUT THEN last night we were at a restaurant (yeah for gift cards) and Craig carried Curt out the door first.  Nate was next and me in the rear.  Some worker was holding the door open and looked at me and asked "is that guy stealing that baby"!  Seriously?  Who knows if he was serious or not - you have NEVER seen, NOR met us in your life and you ask me if my husband STOLE OUR SON!  So I must have just given him the LOOK of WRATH because he just apologized, smiled and said - I'm just kidding!  I looked at him (probably after THE LOOK and my chin was back up where it belonged and said HE IS OUR SON and walked out!  Nate then was like - what did he say?  Did he think we stole Curt?  Yes - so now to explain to the older son what happened?

I was so stunned I just walked away.  Kicking myself later that I should have used this moment as a "learning" moment for others and for my kids!  Just crazy.

Hopefully this late teen/early 20 something idiot of a man learned to keep his comments to himself next time.  I doubt it - but we shall see.

But for all the other people - he IS OUR SON!  Our 2nd child and he is beautiful!  His skin is the color of him. Its the way he was created by God.  His birth family loved him so much, they gave him a life beyond birth and ultimately he ended up in our lives.  He is OUR SON - we love him dearly - And his hair - is adorable.  Yes he has curls, loose curls I'm told, and yeah maybe he can have a hair cut - but have you seen Curt's brother Nate?  He's got long hair - and for now - we love it on both of them. (side bar - my hair cut - I HATE - I look like Pat Bennatar or Janet from 3's Company - I'd be styling if it were 1980 something) - but the boys are perfect.  Just like your own kids or family - you know they are perfect for the way they are - I feel the same

Thanks everyone.
Gail

Mother's day for the motherless

So this year Mother's day is harder than normal.  You may think this very odd that my dream of having a second child just came true 2 months ago today. Don't get me wrong, we are BLESSED - I AM BLESSED!  I have a beautiful and wonderful loving husband and two amazing boys!  I am so complete its not even funny!  My career, my family - its all amazing.

However if you read this blog from the VERY beginning - yes there is a LOT of information - we started this 8 years ago - about this time too!  My mom - well she was sick, our cell phone bill was over $400 as I kept calling my relatives and family friends telling the same story every day - how she's doing?  What her blood counts were, etc.  So in his amazing way - Craig started this for us to communicate with family and friends on her condition, ultimate death and the birth of our first son Nate  - and yes this all took place in under 3 months!Then we used it to share about Nate!

So we took time off - and then you see about Ron - Craig's dad's illness and death (he was very sick for very long) and his mom's fight with cancer!  WE used this to communicate.  Then in 2010 - I started it up and redesigned this for our future child #2!  We all have known now to be Curtis Samuel.

So yes - a lot of emotions, two mom's in heaven, and now a child who was motherless for all but one month that we know!  So yes - I miss my mom!  My beautiful angel in heaven watching over us, taking care of us in ways we do not know or understand yet.  And we have Liz - she's amazing in so many ways as well (and our grandmas) - But now we have a woman somewhere in Ethiopia that gave me a son!  I do not know her name, I do not know what she looks like, I know she was from Dire Dawa, Ethiopia.  She gave birth to this amazing little boy in April 2011 - and now he's living in the US with us - and now called Curtis Samuel!  And he is so loved and so happy.  But what is she thinking tomorrow?  Yes - they do not celebrate mother's day in Ethiopia - but what if they do?

And then ALL these children not only in Ethiopia - but all over the world - MOTHERLESS!  How my heart breaks for them.  Craig and I had our mom's into our 30's - we have over 30years with them - it SUCKS they died so young - both only 58!  Yes -it SUCKS!  But then I hear of kids that are under 15 that  have mom's pass away - how that must really suck!  And again - just the orphans - they never had a mom!  Its so hard to understand.  Everyone will be talking about mom's tomorrow - and yes that is great.  I loved mine dearly and I'm thankful to be a mom!  (oh yeah - I should have a blog about infertility and life trying to just HAVE a child).  But my heart breaks for those like me that don't have a mom.  That never did, or are missing theirs this year.

Please keep that in mind when you wish people happy mother's day tomorrow.  You never know which child lost their mom to cancer in the last year?  Or who was adopted and doesn't know their birth mom?  Or a child that is in foster care, that has an amazing family loving them now - but struggles not knowing where they will end up or if their mom will be in their lives.  I just have been thinking of all these people today!

when you are talking about mom's at church tomorrow - say a prayer for those that did one of the biggest sacrifices in the world - give their child up for adoption.  Say a pray for those children that have no mother, the orphans, foster kids - children who's mom just died.  They need extra prayers to get through the day.

And yes - I challenge you to read our story here - go back to May 2004 in the archive of this blog - you will see how it sucked for my brother, father and I!  And Craig too!  we've all lost them.

I love all those angels in heaven, mom, grandma, Liz!  You are amazing women and we will never forget you!  Flowers tomorrow are in your memory and honor!  Happy mothers day!
Gail

Crazy Busy Life

I realized now that we're home, back to work - its hard to post anymore.  I think about it often and just never get the chance.

Basically life is good, great - just crazy!  Curt has adjusted very well to daycare and really likes it (yeah) - that is a relief.  However the first week we think it really triggered memories and he woke up with nightmares or crying  - we assume thinking of Ethiopia.  So it may not be a nightmare, but hard for a 1 year old to process why he's suddenly here.  It is just amazing to watch him as he watches EVERYTHING.  Today he saw a train for the first time - mesmerized watching it.  Sweet for me to see!

So he's still "close" to walking and just feels safer crawling.  Ha.

We also celebrated daddy's birthday AND aunt Stacey's as well!  All fun - enjoyed our first trip to a Japanese Steak house with the boys - it was fun - I love the food!

For Craig and I - work - life has been busy!  Craig had another AWESOME order from GM this year - last year they ordered 4000 hats - this year - 8000!  Seriously - an AWESOME order - so that is great for the store.  And me - as crazy as it is trying to get organized - I love my job.  For the first time in many years I feel like I'm using my brain on a consistent basis!  I feel like my work life has more meaning and I LOVE it!

We're just really busy - but loving our crazy life.  I'm getting excited for Mother's Day this year - I feel like its all complete!  Can't wait.  Not planning anything special, but it will be nice.

Hope everyone enjoys their evening.
Gail

Daycare and Work life

Well started back to work this week!  NOT bad.  It has been nice - people are so happy to see me and glad I"m there.  It really is nice!

Curt really is doing good at daycare.  He loves the other kids and Miss Jodi and the other ladies - so its good.  Guess he's fighting sleep - not surprised - but he's having a lot of fun and really just wants to be there with all the action!  So that is good I guess.  Glad he likes it.  BUT then he's so happy to see me at the end of the day - yeah!

Just a LOT going on - but it is all good.
I'll keep you all posted.
Gail

Ethiopia

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Birthday and Easter pictures -

Yep - we need to post more real Ethiopia pictures - just on a different computer - however here are some 1st Birthday and Easter photos to share

Enjoy

Gail

Easter Eggs are yummy

Yes Mommy got me bunny ears and someone gave me the big

YEAH

Papa with the grandsons

Dexter helping Curt look for eggs

The boys

Craig, Nate, me and Curt - Easter 2012

Egg Hunt Champion - oh yea

Mommy and Curt - HI

Birthday time - Nate helping Curt with his presents

Aunt Stacey helping too

A nice lady at church gave both boys an Easter Hat - they look cute

Curt in the hat AND his Birthday shirt

Party time with Papa

Party decorations - Elmo

Curt and HIS Cake (we had ice cream cake for everyone else)

Uncle Marcus (Gail's brother) and aunt Stacey

Hum - cake

Yep - I think I like this cake stuff

Silly Nate

Curt AFTER the cake - icing and cake EVERYWHERE!  He had fun.

Happy 1st Birthday

Yes - today our new son turns 1!  I'm so happy he was able to be home in time.  but it is a bitter sweet day.  I just can't help but think of his birth mother and what she sacrificed for the love of this little boy?  What she did - I can't even begin to imagine in May 2011!  She loved her son so much - that she did what she felt was best for him!  But I have to wonder - where is she today?  is she thinking of her little guy?  I know they are on a different calender - heck even a different year right now - what is it 2006 now?  Anyhow - they don't really celebrate birthdays  - but still.  I just will always be thankful to this woman and her family - where ever they are - with the help of our God - he brought our families together by this little boy and our lives are connected even if we will never meet!  I am thankful for them - our family is complete.  It was perfect before and it is just finally a Family of 4!  A Table for 4!  I love it.

Yesterday we celebrated with papa, grandma Mary, Uncle Marcus and Aunt Stacey!  It was a great day!  Curt was not sure about his cake at first - but then was like - OH YEAH - this is yummy!  He was so sweet.  Even got into opening presents - with the help of his big brother Nate!  On top of the Easter festivities - he had fun!  Its funny how the packaging or paper is sometimes more exciting.  I'll work to post pictures later.

But today - I love my family and my two sons so much!  I can't wait to celebrate with all of them  - as we request the table for 4 tonight!
Gail

Day to day life

Well we have been home just over 2 weeks now and also about to turn 1 next week!  LOTS going on in Curt's life. We do believe he's struggling with sleep at night as his mind processes the grief and loss of his life at Engida!  He was so well loved and cared for - it must be hard.  Don't get me wrong, he's a happy child - but I just feel and others have confirmed that this is common.  At his age he can't process things or verbalize it - so it comes out in his dreams. So we have had some rough nights.  I did start listening to all the advice - SLEEP during the day when he does - do NOT worry about the house or other things. so today we both snuggled on the couch for a good old fashion nap!  I loved it - I  miss those days with Nate!  He would sleep with us on the couch.

We will get there though - I'm getting LOTS of advice and recommendations.  So we'll see. I just have to continue to tell people it isn't always the same as just any child - this is my son and he lived in an orphanage since he was about 1 month old!  Since 3 months he was at only one  - Engida Addis Ababa and that is all he probably knows! so the grief at night is common and natural!  We'll get there.

Well I'm in the last two weeks of my time off - its hard to imagine going back to work, but I also love my job too!  Last week we found a wonderful home daycare that we will be using in Ferndale!  Not right off Woodward on my way home to get Nate - but not too far out of the way!  I really like it - one they just seem nice and clean - but the kids were so happy there.  But also that it came recommended by a friend. So that's good.

I hope to continue to post on here - I know we will have lots of things in life and I find all the blogs so helpful!

Anyhow - right now we are thankful we have NOT had any really rude comments.  One off the wall - "good luck YOU NEED IT" comment.  But then mostly looks.  OR better yet - the avoidance of a look from people that you think are n"friends".  I had that recently where I didn't expect it - but Craig and I said - oh well. They really weren't our "friends"  or definitely not a "GOOD" friend.  That our friends are not like that - and we are still happy.  And we'd rather just  not have the horrible comments.

Its interesting to see the older generation watching us when we're out - but then some of the ladies - well they all melt with one look at the smiles!

We truly are blessed.

Tomorrow my dear friend Shannon and family are finally flying to Ethiopia and will go meet their son in a few days!  I am so happy.  Please keep Shannon and her family in your prayers.
Thanks
Gail

Prayers for a sick little boy needed

Below is a post from Gabe's mom - you can see the link above.  they are struggling - Gabe is almost 5 and very smart - he probably realizes this is NOT how he's supposed to feel.  Please continue to keep him and the family in your prayers and thoughts
Gail

He's admitted - Cincinnati

Hi everyone!  

I wanted to share a quick update.  As I’m sure many of you have heard, we are concerned about a particular condition and concerned about Gabriel period right now.  We are headed to Cincinnati, Ohio a week from tomorrow to meet with a world known expert in immunology/blood disease and the leading expert in the particular disease we are worried about.  It sounds like they will be drawing substantial blood at our visit and will follow-up with a phone consult.  I really am unsure about what she is going to say and whether or not she is going to know what is wrong with Gabe.   

He’s been suffering a lot lately.  He’s had many bad headaches, lack of appetite and the loss of two pounds, low energy and irritability.  He presented last night with all these symptoms including a high fever.  The reason for the fever is unknown which is usually the case.   He was admitted at Beaumont around 11:00 last night. 

In addition to him not feeling good, he’s been going through some emotional stuff and I am worried about his spirit.  He cries a lot in the middle of the night and cries himself to sleep a lot.  Last night he was admitted while sleeping and awoken to a needle.  I have never wanted this to come to a resolution more in four years than I do right now.  I really want him to have a break. 

We are hanging in there the best we can and just getting by one day at a time.  We are feeling very loved and supported so thank you for that!

We are tossing the idea around of trying an immune system suppressant infusion drug just to see if it helps him feel better and not knowing if it will.  We may do this in the morning.

I will update later.

Rebekah 

Good posts about Race and educating others about adoption

All
There are a lot of good posts on the post - http://casselljourneytoafrica.blogspot.com/ - check it out.  I've asked and was told I could link to it here - I just know it is so well written that I couldn't write it that well myself.

Enjoy -
Gail

Adjusting to life in the USA

We have been home just under a week now and I have to say Curt is really adjusting well to life as a Backus in the good old USA!  He's been attaching to the 3 of us and even spent some time with Papa and Grandma Mary!  We're getting into a schedule of naps and sleeping.  We are now sleeping through the night and working on eating more foods.  I've decided to do a fast track on different foods so that he can learn to eat a lot of things.  We're currently on beans and peas and carrots!  A few other things are going as well.  He's eating some solid finger foods as well!  I'm sure in the coming weeks we'll have transitioned over to lots of finger foods - which should be entertaining for pictures.

Speaking of pictures - I haven't posted any here yet - but you can see a lot on my facebook page - I'll try and post some here later today.

Nate is really doing good as well - he's NOT liking questions by a lot of people  but if you him alone with his brother, he's just so good with him!  He's helping, he wants to push him around in the stroller and play with him.  Its great!

I have to say our family is pretty darn good!  We are COMPLETE!

Gail

Adjusting to life in the USA

We have been home just under a week now and I have to say Curt is really adjusting well to life as a Backus in the good old USA!  He's been attaching to the 3 of us and even spent some time with Papa and Grandma Mary!  We're getting into a schedule of naps and sleeping.  We are now sleeping through the night and working on eating more foods.  I've decided to do a fast track on different foods so that he can learn to eat a lot of things.  We're currently on beans and peas and carrots!  A few other things are going as well.  He's eating some solid finger foods as well!  I'm sure in the coming weeks we'll have transitioned over to lots of finger foods - which should be entertaining for pictures.

Speaking of pictures - I haven't posted any here yet - but you can see a lot on my facebook page - I'll try and post some here later today.

Nate is really doing good as well - he's NOT liking questions by a lot of people  but if you him alone with his brother, he's just so good with him!  He's helping, he wants to push him around in the stroller and play with him.  Its great!

I have to say our family is pretty darn good!  We are COMPLETE!

Gail

URGENT - Gabe needs prayers

All
Little Gabe is sick again!  This Fever stuff are coming back and may be related to a finding from his bone marrow biopsy a few weeks ago.  I know from Facebook that Rebekah has traveled with Gabe to see more specialists.  Below is her post from Caring Bridge a few days ago.  It sounds very serious and they need more prayers!  I can't explain what's going on very well - so please read the post below - Emergency! Gabe.

Thanks all - Gail

Emergency! Gabe

This post is one of the most serious posts I’ve ever written…  I have been chewing on what I’m about to share for about a week now.  The bone marrow biopsy revealed some “blood eating cells” that also destroy vital organs.  When the disease is in a progressed state, the prognosis is poor.  If the disease isn’t in a progressive state, the prognosis still isn’t great. 

I am in the process of making arrangements to take Gabriel to see a HLH “expert” at the Children’s Hospital in Cincinnati.  She will either rule out or confirm this diagnosis.  If the disease is confirmed, aggressive chemotherapy and/or steroids will be administered immediately.  A bone marrow transplant could follow. 

One of the clinical features of this disease is persistent fever which you all know has been one of our biggest mysteries.  It’s only been 3 weeks since our last fever and I’m sad to share that he woke up today with another fever. 

I’m packing our bags and going to the hospital for evaluation.  My guess is he will be admitted again.   

I am asking for you to pray like you never have before for the doctors and our family.  We are in crisis.

Rebekah

Changing Names and Attaching

Quick post for people we see in the coming weeks - please understand that we are working really hard to bond with Curt.  So we will be holding him close and trying to keep him with us until we really get a good attachment. So please do not be insulted or hurt when we ask that he not be held by others right now.  He really just needs to get close to us.  You can touch him, hug him, play with him - and he will LOVE IT - and give that classic smile and some noises I'm sure

Also - we are working hard to change Curt's name To Curt!  He's been Sami for a long time, so to do this - we use both names for a few days or weeks.  Right now we are going with Sami Curt on everything so that he gets to know Curt when we call him.  Shortly we will drop the Curt from his name.  So please join us in helping with this  - we'd really appreciate it.
Thanks all for the understanding!  You will be able to get your hands on him REALLY soon!  I promise -
Love
Gail

Home!

We are finally home!  After a few days of travel - restless sleep on the airplanes, we are home!

Before that - just a few updates -

So we had a wonderful time Wednesday night at Alemu's home.  A coffee ceremony, traditional food - which for Nate included french fries.

Thursday was a crazy day - the hotel and MUCH of the city lost water. Unfortunately the guest house didn't let us know till about 5:30  - would have been better to just let us know so that we would understand.  And our TV lost signal again - but they finally fixed it.

So we had a taxi driver - a really great guy - when I unpack I'll post his name and info for anyone traveling.  He works close with many agencies and hotels taking people places.  He was so helpful!  I can't even thank this man enough.  I wanted to take Nate and go to ONE store to pick up a few more souvenirs!  Maybe two - but this driver took us to a new section of the shopping area near the post office - so I got to find everything in ONE store.  Then we wanted to convert our extra birr back to US $.  the airport said if we do this, we had to have a receipt and go to a bank in town!  Well guess what - they forgot to tell us we needed an airplane ticket - which we really couldn't get - had to check in at the counter!  UGH - so that was annoying - oh and we had to wait OVER AN HOUR - but the driver was great - he talked so I could see what they were saying.  And kept the mob away - there wasn't really any line!  Ha.

but the interesting part - we met this nice young man from NY City that is Kenyan - and he was just there traveling Ethiopia!  What an amazing young man.

So then the issues at the hotel - they forgot to arrange a driver to take us to the airport!  i had asked for that in the morning and I guess the two shifts forgot to mention it - ends up the owner drove us in her own car and wouldn't take money!  She had given us Thursday (half day) free because she felt bad about everything else.  This time, we were early and check in was so easy!  Some guy helped with all the luggage ALL THE Way to check in!  Yeah - we even picked up a few more things while waiting.  Ran into a few people there coming home as well.

Now to the 17 hour plane ride home. We took Ethiopian Air and I really liked them.  Lufthansa is Great too!  Both have pro's and con's in different ways - but highly recommend either to people traveling.  Leaving at 10:30 pm was good.  Both boys slept.  Forced Nate to sleep at midnight to just shut his eyes.  And he was out in minutes - and slept for about 7 or 8 hours!  Curt got some sleep too.  We were lucky to have the bulkhead and get the bassinet for Curt!  NICE to have him sleep there for a bit and to even sit and play there!  He liked it!  Anyhow - this flight stopped in Rome for a crew change and refueling for an hour! Between all that and being so late - we all slept good and it made the first 6 hours go by fast.  I know it was long - but in my mind with us sleeping it wasn't too bad.

However, they didn't really serve enough water or have it available like the flight over so we can get drinks on our own.  So Craig and I were VERY dehydrated when we landed in DC.  I was dizzy and he had horrible head aches!  Curt was starving and melting down!  We finally got through immigration and Curt is officially a US Citizen!!!!!  Yes - important part - yeah!  We'll get the final paper work in the next few weeks - but yeah!  Anyhow - we got him fed and he was so happy.  He was crawling ALL over the floor at the gate - normally probably wouldn't allow that - but man - he sure needed to just get out and move.  And it was nice for him to just get around without clinging to me and Craig - he's feeling more comfortable and knowing we will still be there.

arriving in Detroit was a little surprise - I knew my sister in law Stacey was picking us up and figured my brother would come too - but my dad and his wife were there too - all with signs and little things for both boys!  That was nice.  Curt did pretty well, a few tears and trying to get back to Craig and I - ha!  But they understood that.  It was just nice to be see family and have a welcoming crew!  And to just get home!

We stayed up as late as possible but our bodies were 7 hours ahead - Craig fell asleep around 5 or a little after.  Nate and I ordered Pizza (even though we had some nice food for us - we will be using that today - thanks for family and friends).  AT 7 Nate said he was taking a nap - we told him to just go to bed. Curt went down shortly after that.  And Craig and I were both asleep shortly after that.  Curt got up a few times, tried to sleep with us for a bit - and we ended up on the couch sleeping.  Craig and Nate were up at like 4:50 this morning - and I got a bit more sleep!

Now - Craig's off to the store, Nate and I are hanging out and Curt is sleeping!  yeah - we will get on a schedule and slowly getting all the advice from people with kids from Engida Orphanage as well!  So that will really help  with the adjustment.

ok in the car seat!  yeah.

Hopefully we'll get into a good schedule shortly. I hear its not too bad.  And the attaching is starting - which is good!  Yeah!  So all that we see over the next few weeks - please understand.

Thanks
Gail