12 years ago today

Yes- 12 years ago today I married the love of my life, my best friend and the man of my dreams - all rolled into one!  It was a perfect day - not "devils" night as many call it around Michigan, but an Angels night as Detroit likes to call it!  It was perfect, snowing earlier in the week and after - but 75 degrees, sunny and perfect -

Family and loved ones were there for the big event.  It was just gorgeous.  It was a great day  -and every day since has continued to grow our love and devotion for each other.  We've ventured to New Jersey as newly weds, leaving the life we new.  It was a great adventure that soon led us  back here!  We are now venturing to Ethiopia to meet our son in a few short weeks.

A lot has happened, the good, bad and ugly - but every second has been worth it!

I can't wait to add one more member to complete our perfect family!

Enjoy today -
Love
Gail

Overwhelming

Wow - in just about a month, Craig and I will be heading for Detroit Metro (ok a month from Tuesday - the 25th) - and embarking on the first trip of a lifetime!  We will meet our future son - Curtis Samuel Backus!  Wow - I can't wait. but in the mean time I think all the emotions, the to do list - and everything is just overwhelming!  I'm on the verge of tears at the moment.  I just want it all to be perfect - but I know its not gong to be!

I will have problems, I may pack the wrong thing, buy the wrong thing, do or say the wrong thing.  I can't make perfect, I know I have to let this go to God's hands!  But ye - I'm scared.
so last week I obsessed about the travel arrangements, should I just order online myself, go to the travel agent, what will save us the most money and give us the most time.  Well needless to say - we opted for the travel agent.  I know that's best - I really do.

Now this weekend - I"m obsessing over the nursery - do we use the same theme we did for Nate?  Do we do something different?  I can't find all the stuff that went with Nate's room.  I think I donated it all!  NOT GOOD - well no not all, but the valences, the wall borders, etc.  All the things I want right now.  I did find the lamp, mobile, wall hangings, comforter (wall hanging) and stuff.  I love this one.  I can't get the borders online.  I painted over the gorgeous wall mural my cousin painted - so that's long gone.  But then my mind keeps going to the jungle theme - something different then the underwater/dolphin theme.  I know Curt will be fine - he's not even 1 yet - he wont' care.  but I want his life to be perfect.  I want him to be happy, loved and healthy!

I know this will all work out - I have to continue to put my faith in God's hands - he's brought us this far hasn't he?  I don't know where else all this would have come from if it weren't for his hand guiding me to this country and this choice and Craig coming along for the ride.  Ha - he was a HUGE part in all this - I just knew long ago I wanted to adopt as well.

anyhow - life is overwhelming - I know we will be fine.  I did try to donate a lot of old stuff to the Salvation Army today - so that felt good.  Unfortunately they stopped taking donations - so our living room is loaded, the nursery is loaded and the van as well!  Ha - yep - see LOTS to do in the next few weeks.  I guess this is good for the second trip - getting more "nesting" time done.

Well tomorrow starts a new day and week!  Hopefully I won't have to travel this week - I doubt they will send me out - but I have a feeling I will be on the road NEXT week.  So that's fine - at least I can help another plant out.

anyhow - I'm so excited to go meet our little guy, take pictures of all the other kids and meet these wonderful families traveling with us!  It will be fun.  I need to just let go and enjoy!  Stop worrying about making things perfect when its life and only God is perfect - as long as I try to do the right things and live in his image - we'll be fine.

yep - hormonal, emotional and feeling like crap with these allergies today!  All that's adding up to a fun day!
Happy Sunday - it was beautiful here and I hope everyone else had a great sunny day!  I had fun with my two boys and hoping the 3rd will come home soon.
Gail

Travel plans made

Wow - things are getting more and more real!  Our travel plans are booked, we have flights, will have a day trip north and then take in some local sites around Addis  My dad's flights are booked and he'll be here to watch Nate while we are gone (an the 3 fur balls too). We got notice of more forms that we need to have filled out and I need to figure out all the financials still (oh - pray for us).

anyhow - just can't help but think in just a few weeks we can hold our little boy!  I just keep looking at kids where ever I'm at and thinking - we'll have a baby soon!  Curt will be 7.5 months when we meet him!  I just can't wait!

I bought some books for both boys while on my trip this week - can't wait.

Now just happy to be home for a few days - but just more and more to think about what needs to be done!!!!  Oh so overwhelming.

Some good news - it sounds like some people traveling a few weeks before us - the paper work is already at the courts and done?  That's Great - maybe things were caught up during the rainy season!  Now if only the Embassy stuff can get figured out  - we shall see.

Ok- babbling as usual
Gail

Things to consider when asking questions about adoptive families

So I read the following post on a blog that I follow last night.  I asked the writer, Kirsten if I could borrow and post.  I want to keep this for when we bring Curt home - as I'm sure we will need to read and remember these things for years to come.  Kirsten wrote this so well, I just knew I couldn't do it justice like she did - so thank you for letting me post this here.

So anyhow - I've read the books too and just know I totally agree with everything here.  I'm sure we will have this when we get home.  Heck - I"ve already dealt with some of these comments from many people, and some you would think would never ask.  But that's alright  - many people are learning through our family experiences.  I know LOTS of couples that learned from my experiences years ago with PCOS and the infertility treatments.  I feel I was able to share my life and hopefully help others.  And then the last 2 years with my gastric bypass -again I'm proud of this choice - to save my life -to get healthy.  Yes it was drastic - but something that was the only thing left for me.  And it did save me!  I only have to see the blood results again, my blood pressure, and just seeing me raking leaves yesterday-you will know I'm going to live a long time!  And I'll hopefully help ONE person out there realize - its ok.

And now - with the adoption - trying to explain - WHY we didn't pick a child from the US or WHY didn't get want a child "just like us" - well honestly it doesn't matter!  God made this choice and placed it in our hearts. God chose our future son for us.  It took us a while to get to that point, but its one I'll NEVER regret.  And now -I just hope to share the story with others that struggle with expanding their family!  This is OUR story - and maybe it will help another person figure it out -

so for now - read the post below - its written amazingly well about ONE families story.  One I happen to agree with and am inspired by their challenges on how to approach our future life.
Gail

The Power of Language

The words we use are so powerful. And sometimes we don't realize at all what we are saying or how it comes across.  I know a lot of people in the adoption community get very offended by certain terms. I don't blame them, although I am not as easily offended.  I figure I'd rather give the other person some grace and realize that they probably don't realize what they are saying.

For the past two years, I've been doing all kinds of training; reading books on interracial adoption, reading about adoption in general, doing web-inars, etc. I'd consider myself fairly well-educated on the matter. Plus, I'm a social worker. In grad school, the power of the labels/language we use was drilled into my head. I try to always be very aware of what my words are saying.

But I have to realize that many people are not. They didn't spend two years learning about adoption and probably didn't have any grad school classes on language.  I can choose to get upset over what they say or I can educate them. I think, in most cases, people just don't have the working vocabulary they need to talk appropriately about adoption.

And I figure most of y'all who read this blog are my family or close friends or you know someone in the adoption community. So I thought I'd provide a tiny lesson on adoption language, free of charge! :)  Here are some rules of thumb for talking with adoptive families:

Please don't ask me about Amani's "real parents." Rob and I are his real parents. I know who you are talking about when you say that, but to be honest, it hurts my feelings a tiny bit. And, MUCH more importantly, someday Amani will hear and understand your words. He will wonder why you think his Mom and Dad are not his real parents.  Feel free to say "birth parents" but don't expect us to tell you anything.

Please don't ask me about my "own" kids. All three of them are my own.  I've had people say, "oh, I didn't realize you couldn't have any more of your own." Or say things like "what do YOUR kids think."  I know you mean my biological children, but every child of mine is my own. I don't want Amani to ever hear this and think he is not mine.  I don't want Riley and Allyn to hear this and think he's not ours, too!  (And in case you were wondering, we chose to adopt. We had no reason to believe we couldn't have more biological children. We believe adopting is just as good of an option for growing a family).

Don't ask "where did you get him?"  That's the kind of question you ask someone with a new puppy.  "Where is he from?" is much more appropriate. I know those don't seem like important differences, but if you want to connect with the mom you're asking these questions of, I promise it's an important distinction.

Please don't ask "Was he expensive?" or "How much did he cost?"  I did not purchase my child. I NEVER want him to get that impression. EVER.  It's probably never appropriate to ask someone about the cost of their adoption in the presence of their children, but if the kids aren't around, it's fine by me if you ask if adoption is expensive. But then I just might ask you how much you paid your OB or midwife for your labor & delivery! :)

And don't try to use him to get a certain message across. He is not a poster-child for adoption. He's not a poster-child for Ethiopia.  I am happy to speak about adoption or about Ethiopia but I am not bringing my child with me as a prop.  If you were giving a talk on birth and labor, you probably wouldn't bring your baby along when there was a much more age-appropriate activity for your child to participate in.  The same goes for us. Amani is a child, not a message.

That's a lot of "don'ts".  Want to know what you CAN do if you see someone with a child and you think it's maybe an international adoption?

Compliment their child.  Every mother loves to hear great things about their children. I was out with Amani tonight and was told twice that I have a pretty baby. It made my heart sing.  And if they had chosen to follow that statement up with nicely-worded questions about adoption, you know I would have been happy to talk to them about it!

Talk about regular mom stuff. Get a conversation going the way you would with any other mom. Say "how old is he?" or make some kind of comment about something your child did at that age. You know, those weird things we mamas say to each other when we're sitting on the benches inside the Chick-Fil-A play area. To that mom, their child is not "my adopted child." He is simply "my child." Act accordingly.

Ask.  If you aren't sure if it's okay to talk about a child's adoption, wait until the child is not around and ask if it's okay. Some parents are super-open about talking about their children's adoptions. Some are not. It's okay to ask.  But be prepared to allow them to say they don't want to talk about it. Just because it is obvious that a child is adopted doesn't mean the parents are open to discussing it.  For us, I'm more than happy to talk about it as long as it's also appropriate for Amani to hear what we are saying. If it's not, be prepared for me to change the subject, hoping you'll take the hint that now is not the time.

And don't freak out. We all make mistakes in our wording. We do it all the time. Our culture condones a lot of it. I'm certain I've said things that I didn't mean to say or I didn't think before I spoke.  And I'm not writing this post in response to anything in particular, so if you are my friend, please don't wonder if I'm talking about you! I promise, I am not!!! You don't need to walk (or talk) on eggshells around me. But realize that, just like every mom, I want what is best for my children, and that includes what they hear about how they came into our family.

So now you know. And knowing is half the battle! ;)

Making plans

Well I hope to make the flight reservations this weekend!  The flights are open but filling up!  I know another family probably flying on the same dates - hoping we can get the same or flights close if they don't mind -ha!  Tagging along to meet the kids!

I"m still overwhelmed by it all.  Trying to figure out what gifts to bring everyone.  I may take a few now and more at the next trip.   I'm slowly getting ideas and things to bring for people.  Just a lot of stuff going on!  Just crazy.

I must travel this week - but better to get it out of the way now before our future little Curt comes home.

So anyhow in all the stuff going on - our little guy turned 6 months old last Sunday - happy birthday baby boy!  Wish we could be with you - but soon.  We were spending the weekend welcoming your new Aunt Stacey into our lives as she married your uncle Marcus.  Your newest cousin Christopher joined the week before - everyone's so excited to really see and hold you!  Even all the family friends.

Hold on tight - only 6 weeks and we will be with you soon and getting to explore the beautiful country you are from.
Love mommy and daddy

COURT DATE - yes we got that news

Yes - we can NOT believe it - we received an email with our COURT DATE yesterday!  Yes that's right!  Our agency was surprised too after what they had been told the week before. Just crazy - so we will travel on or around Thanksgiving this year - what a blessing.  3 other families from our agency will be going as well - can't wait to talk to them all - very exciting.

So we are looking for donations if anyone is willing or up to donating powder formula - please let me know.

also - if anyone has one of those UV disinfectant pens - let us know we'd love to borrow it!  Ha.  This may not be the longest trip - but we will spend time and hope to visit the northern region!

Thanks for prayers and support. I know that anything can change at anytime.  And even after this - the US Embassy investigations may take a LOT longer!  So probably a few months after we pass the ET courts- but its in God's hands!

God bless everyone.
Gail

NO court date yet - back of the line

Well the agency is getting court dates for people that didn't get one before the August closures.  however, since our first referral was voided, and we accepted a new one - we can't just stay in the same place - we have to now start over in the court process.  So our paper work was officially submitted to court last week - on October 7th!  So that's a good thing.  NO idea how long it will take to get a court date - we are waiting and waiting and we will make it.  I'm now assuming if this year - it will be LATE this year - so we shall see.  Just have to continue keeping the faith.

I know things happen for a reason and I believe this is God's plan.  Our friends in TN are hoping to get a referral - our goal is to travel aroudn the same time and meet IN country!  Wouldn't that be amazing?  We sure think so. So continue to pray they get a referral soon!

anyhow - in the last few weeks, we welcomed a new baby nephew - Christopher into the family!  He's in NY - so we won't see him for a bit.  And yesterday I welcomed a new sister in the family!  My brother married his beautiful bride Stacey!  We are blessed by our great family members!

So everyone keep the faith it sounds like things are moving again in ET and we hope all the kids continue to be healthy and happy.

Gail